To make a long story short...they were really cute, but the 3 year old I worried about being able to handle. When we brought them home they all cried themselves to sleep for like an hour and a half. It took a while for them to adjust, but they finally went to bed well after about a week. They weren't used to sleeping in their own beds, let alone even having a routine. My instinct was right, the 3 year old was hard to handle, had a really hard time sharing, and through tantrums a lot. When we would put him in time out he would hit his head and try to claw my arms if it got to the point where I would have to hold him. He really struggled.
We ended up potty training all of them, helping the 6 year old learn how to read and count better. The 2 year old learned to talk complete sentences (the two youngest couldn't speak hardly at all when we first got them). The 3 year old made a ton of improvement as well. They all made a lot of progress in our home. At court once the birth moms attorney tried to turn the cards on us and make us look like abusive parents. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life. Just sitting there in court listening to them fighting against us on false allegations. The six year old had exaggerated a lot and lied to his mom. It was hard to take those kids home that night, we felt so vulnerable and betrayed.
Then later in the spring we found out these kids had been exposed to sexual abuse while living with their mom. I found out through my research that the crying and tantrums that the 3 year old boy would do could be associated with sexual abuse. It got to the point where he would cry a ton over just little things. It got so frustrating and confusing. I remember one day just feeling strongly that we shouldn't pursue adoption with these kids. I was so burnt out, plus felt like it was never ending having to watch these foster kids so close, to make sure no abuse went on in our home. Wes felt the same.
I felt really guilty and sad, because we loved these kids. Even though they were so hard to take care of. We started telling the case workers to look for another family. They slowly started looking, while the children progressively got worse, their behavior got similar to when we first got them and my anxiety was through the roof. Whenever we would go out in public the fighting and tantrums were embarrassing. And believe me, I held my ground with being consistent.
We started having them face the wall for time out. That didn't work. The boys started rubbing their foreheads on the wall. They both made marks. Which made us look like abusive foster parents. Again, to make a long story short.. I had talked with one of the new therapists at this family counseling place and I broke down to her telling her that we were burnt out and done with these kids. She took it the wrong way that we were hurting the kids or something and she had the cops come out to our house on false suspicions to do a safety check, she didn't even know us.
The police were awesome in handling the situation, telling us they didn't see any sign of abuse, (they had to go in their rooms while they were sleeping and look over their bodies with flashlights), they told us that they were very impressed with us and we shouldn't worry. I told them that that was the last straw and we were going to sign the removal papers the next day. The cop guy said that maybe that is the right thing to do, is focus on our own kids. (Our biological kids were getting pushed in the background, because our foster kids required/demanded so much attention!)
The next day they had found another family for our foster kids. They are awesome and hopefully will be able to handle the kids. It gives me great comfort in knowing where they are now is a good home.
We learned a lot from foster care. But are relieved to be done with it. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I had been pushed farther than ever before, but we are thankful we were able to help those kids for 9 months. We gave it our all, but still felt like we were under a microscope and being falsely accused left and right. They made me feel like a bad mom, even though we were the ones doing all the work day in and day out. I know that there are a lot of people who have a great experience doing foster care. We just wanted to share what our experience has been.
So, anyway.....I need to calm down. I know.
We have decided to pursue adoption again and start where we left off. We will start showing our profiles soon. This is our last shot. If things don't work out with this new agency, we will be done and have to just find joy in the journey we have had in trying to adopt.
We still feel and have always felt so blessed to have the 3 kids we have. We just feel that we have a great family and a good home for at least one more little one. We will have to see. Stay tuned for part 5. :)
