This was a picture that was in our profile at this time.
I remember the first birth mom our profile (basically a scrap book of letters and pictures of our family) was shown to. She had a baby that was 4 months old and I cried to Wes that I wanted her to choose us so bad. We were new at this experience and didn't know what to expect. She didn't choose our family and it was devastating! Then we continued to have our profile shown. I would get so excited and wait for the phone to ring. Every time they would tell us all the details they knew about the birth mom and we would pray that she would choose us. At first we were only open to a healthy Caucasian girl. Every time they would show our profile it was like with 20 other families. We didn't have much of a chance, because we already have 3 kids.
So, after about a year we started thinking, "Why is this taking so long"? We decided to say, "Only show our profile if there are 10 or less profiles being sent.
It was getting pricey. Each profile cost about $25. To this agency alone we have given them about 20 or more profiles.
In the winter of 2010 we also decided to go with another agency. We did the paperwork again. Did an updated home study, got new background checks, medical checks, etc. We also had to go to these long classes. It is a lot of work to go with a new agency. But, we decided we wanted to increase our odds.
We also joined an online site called Parent and Profiles. (We had a few birth moms call us, but no luck in the end).
By spring 2010 we decided to open up our preferences to any race.
So, in July 2010 we were matched with a birth mom from Georgia who was expecting an African American girl. She wanted the agency to pick the family. They chose us. We were a little nervous because her Dad had schizophrenia. She was 15. She changed her mind and decided to keep the baby. We were very sad!
A few weeks later we had another birth mom chose us. We were so excited, she was expecting a biracial girl. She would be 1/2 Korean and 1/2 African American. We talked to the birth mom over the phone and she seemed so nice!
She chose a date to be induced and some how had to stay in a close by state to deliver. So, we were excited it worked out we didn't have to fly so far.
We paid the rest of our money. About $19,000. Got my mom to come and watch the kids, set up the baby stuff. Told all our friends and neighbors and we were stoked. The agency said they had never seen a birth mom more willing to place her baby.
We flew out and we were supposed to have dinner with the birth mom that night. The case worker called us at the airport and said she had blown a tire and she would be running a little late. She also said they hadn't heard anything from the birth mom in a few days. That's when I started getting worried. We got our baggage and headed to get some dinner. I started to get some doubt in my mind. But, I still had hope.
We got some dinner and I called my mom discouraged. It was sooo hot. That didn't help things.
We decided to stay close to the hospital, so when we got the call that our birth mom was going to deliver, we could cruise over there.
The next day we called our case worker and she said she still hadn't heard from the birth mom. But, she would go to the hospital and see if she was checked into the hospital.
We went to this local Hispanic grocery store and bummed around for a while. My nerves were crazy at that point. I thought we were going to have a baby in our arms soon, but we were also so confused why our birth mom hadn't contacted the agency.
We decided to just go over to the hospital and wait in the parking lot.
Wes was so calm and collected. I was not sure what to think.
We called the case worker and she said she doesn't know what is going on, the hospital wouldn't give her any information.
We asked to meet with her. We went to her hotel and talked with her. I started to cry and said that if this didn't work out, I didn't think I could try again. I just couldn't endure this again.
We decided to go eat lunch and we went to Hobby Lobby to get our kids a gift.
While we were in hobby lobby we got a call from the main guy at the agency. He told Wes on the phone that he knew 100% that she had been a fraud, because they knew someone who used to be in the FBI and he did some research on her. SHE HAD FAKED THE WHOLE PREGNANCY AND WAS NEVER PREGNANT. I remember that moment distinctly. I handed the gifts to Wes, asked for the keys and ran out of the store balling. I sat in the car and was in shock. I couldn't believe what was happening. How could this happen? We went through a reputable company who should have done their homework!
I called my sister and we both balled hysterically together. All my family was raging mad.
At times of trial, the ones who love you the most are very apparent.
We went to my good friends house and we were just so sad. We quickly ordered our flights home and got out of that "Hell Hole", as I put it. I was ticked and sad and shocked all at the same time. It was so scorching hot and that amplified the whole experience.
When we got home my mom was there waiting for us.
We went out on the back porch, it was a starry night. We were all just so much in shock and went to bed. The next morning I remember hugging my mom and just sobbing out loud. It was really hard to have to come home and tell our 3 kids that they weren't going to get a sister. They were sad, but okay.
We went on a walk and saw our bishop. He asked if we had our baby yet and I broke down balling. My mom had to finish telling him the story and I went in the house. I chopped my hair and donated it that day. It probably seemed like an irrational decision at the time.
We were lost and didn't know if we were ever going to pursue adoption again.
These pictures were taken the day after our failed adoption. We were so sad!
I quickly started putting all our baby stuff away and out of sight. I gave a lot of diapers and stuff to my next door neighbor who was due with a baby soon.
I think that is one of the hardest things for me, is to see tons of women around me having babies. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong. It just hurts.
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