My husband and I met in college and fell in love and got married. We have been married for 10 years and couldn't be better lovers or friends. I could just gobble him up, I love him so much! We have experienced so much together and through each experience our relationship strengthens.
So, we chose to try to get pregnant six months after we got married. First time, I got pregnant. Our fist baby was 9 pounds 15 oz. Which was crazy big. What a blessing our fist child is. He is such a great addition to our family. He is so special to us and we are thankful every minute for him.
A little bit later we tried for our second baby. No problems, he was here 23 months after his brother. They are such good buds. We just love him and don't know what we would do without him.
We lived in another state at the time. I felt kind of depressed because I felt like a single mom. My husband was working full time and going to school full time. During the week we would see him like and hour a day. But, it strengthened us to be on our own away from family. It also strengthened me personally. I learned a lot. Then we moved closer to family into a great community and closer to family. We have really loved living where we do. Couldn't find a better place to live! :)
In 2006 we decided we would try to have another baby. It came as a huge shocker when I started spotting and I went in for an ultrasound at about 12 weeks and their was no heart beat. It was crushing and confusing. Then we tried again and the same thing happened after about 7 weeks. It was a very trying time in my life. We definitely didn't feel done at two. We felt like we were supposed to have more kids. So, we tried again and third time was a charm. Even though I spotted a bit at first and had to lay around a lot. We got our sweet little girl. She is such a jewel in our family and love her to bits.
When I was in this small local hospital having her the guy that gave me the epidural put it in wrong like 3 times. He said later that he kept hitting bone. He never did end up putting it in right. I had to sit on a pillow on one of my sides and I felt a ton of the labor.
When I got home from the hospital I was in so much pain and felt like I was going to pass out. My back killed and I felt hopeless. I was very depressed for a long time because of being in so much pain. After an MRI and going to multiple doctors, my back doctor finely said it was nerve damage and it may or may not ever heal.
Here I am 3 years later and still in pain. I am definitely not in as much pain as I was at first. Which is a huge blessing. I still can't lay on my right side (which is sad, because that used to be my favorite side to sleep on) longer than a few minutes. I have to be really careful about lifting anything heavy or doing certain things. But, all in all if you were to look at me you wouldn't be able to tell I am still in a bit of pain. But, it's manageable and I'm thankful Heavenly Father has been there for me the whole time. I am also thankful that even though my body hasn't completely healed, it has healed enough that I can function without wanting to cry.
Anyway, so because of my experience and trauma of my back injury we have been led to adoption. I am definitely certain my body physically is done having children. I just don't feel done raising more children. I am so baby hungry it's not even funny! Sometimes I see women with little babies and I want to go up to them and say, "Can I just hold her for a while and kiss her and snuggle her?" But, that would be weird. So, I just ewww and ahhh and keep my distance. Ha ha. I don't want to freak anyone out.
So, I hear many comments like, "Oh but at least you have three", or "I guess it wasn't meant to be", or "At least you don't have to wake up in the night with a crying baby". So, this leads me into my next post....
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